i completely forgot that xanga existed....

For the one I love
To find me
Today
I'm hoping
And I'm dreaming of 
The nice things
He'll say 



yes... i guess i'm a little like snow white.
i'm trying to enjoy being single.. but its so gosh darn hard!

i'm still waiting. sometimes i wish i were not the girl...
i am not the pursuer but the pursuee...
but i want to pursue but thats not the way it works
i dont want to be desperate
but i am
i just want to find true love and settle down
i want a husband to take care of
a house to clean
mouths to feed
i want that life.. i want that job
then i'll be complete

WOW, i havent been on here in forever...

i've been really depressed lately...

thought i had found the one but, no, i didnt.
i've been hurt ALOT and feel like a crumbled up piece of paper. I'm letting God iron me out but its hard. all i though i knew i dont... and what i didnt want to know or believe was true and i knew it all along.

in the past month alone i've been told:
*you have nothing going for you*
*you're not attractive*
*the best thing about you are your eyes and kindness*
*the only thing i like about you are your eyes*
*i dated you out of pity*

i could go on but theres too many tears... i'm starting to believe it all. i'm starting to hate who i am and what i've become. i've let so many people walk over me and i am trying to shape myself back together from this litter on the side of the road i've become. i've given up my dreams and so much of who i am, i don't know how to recover that. i've lost friendships and opportunities for what i thought was love. and now i feel i will never be loved cause what if i am all those things what were said to me. its been by multiple people...

i'm just one of those girls that is a good friend, guys never think of me any more than that.. unless they want something physical... and i don't want that. i'm trying to be a jewel to someone who will love me as a daughter of God... and atm i feel so far away from that that i'm scared. things at home have been GRRRR since i moved back... and i am praying that they get better. but since moving home i have learned alot.

*i learned a big deal on what worship is*(not what it isnt)
*i decided, biblically, there is no such thing as interracial marriage*
 (we are all one race as Gods creations)
*i learned how much God truly cares for me*

this wasnt meant as a boOhoo on chris entry... its just a rant of my feelings... i dont have many people to outpoor this too...

anyways... this is the tip of the iceburg and i'm going to stop now.

woot i'm 21 in 9 minutes.... yay... that means nothing.... haha...

bed time... i cant believe i got on xanga